Saturday, 19 September 2015

Tories unveil plans to improve the lives of the super-rich

by John Littlejohn,

Chancellor George Osborne has outlined a new set of policies that will improve the lives of some of the richest people in the UK. 

Mr Osborne’s “Fuck the Poor” white paper could see sweeping reforms of welfare, justice and healthcare, and include a measure to make it compulsory for all members of the Cabinet to have served for at least three years in the Bullingdon Club, thus cementing tradition into law.

Under the policy, anyone deemed to be one of Boris Johnson’s mates will be given immunity from prosecution and poor people accused of a crime will be forced to volunteer at one of PoundLand’s labour camps – the same will also apply for any disableds or doleys.

Food banks will be forced to reform their working practises, with calls for food bank bosses to be paid large annual bonuses and for them to invest more of their capital in derivates such as soy and entrails.

Sun columnist Katie Hopkins will be called in as a special adviser to the Government on refugee and mental health policy.   

George Osborn, yesterday

Mr Osborne said: “The policies are a part of our long-term economic plan. It is a simple choice between a clear, steady hand, or complete and utter chaos on the other.

He added: “There a two types of people in this world: the good, honest, hard-working super-rich and worthless fucking plebs.”

Mr Osborne said the money saved will allow him reduce the level of tax paid by the one per cent richest in the UK.

Communist leader Jeremy Corbyn said he disagreed with Mr Osborne’s plans, but he would.

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