Sunday, 18 May 2014

Health warnings over Halal food

by John Littlejohn,

Letters have been sent to residents in towns and cities including Liverpool and Bristol following revelations that Halal food could destroy the West.

The warnings came from the Government following revelations that the consumption of Halal food made us Brits 72.4 per cent more suggestible to accepting Islam as our lord and master.

Scientographers at Newcastle-under-Lyme university made the discovery three years ago, but it is only now that the Government are acknowledging the issue.

A 42-year-old woman from Bolton found herself drawn more and more to her local Mecca bingo hall after consuming what she later discovered to be Halal bacon.

Michael Smith, 26, of Dudley, West Midlands, handed himself into police after having a series of recurring dreams where he flew planes into Wolverhampton's Novotel hotel after consuming a Halal packet of crisps.

David Singh, Muslamic priest at St Muhammed's Temple, Braford (pictured), said: "We will crush all of the puny American pig dog infidels.

"Please feast on our evil, sorry I mean delicious, Halal foods and you too can learn to know the true meaning Jihad."

Martin Britman, UKIP's European candidate for Leicester said: "This is the trouble with all this foreign food, coming over here, taking our jobs.

"I want to see real food, British food - what's a good Spag Bol or Balti?

"We didn't win two world wars and one world cup for this."

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