Saturday, 27 July 2013

'My baby is better than Prince Baby George' claims peasant mother

By Lydia Muff-Footle

Proud - Wills and Kates with their new heir, yesterday 
Did you know that a baby was born on the same day as wickle Prince George? This lady reporter was shocked to discover that whilst the rest of us loyal subjects were curtsying to our future King (God save his pwecious wee toesie wosies) a woman in Walsall had the cheek to go into labour and give birth to a baby boy of her own.

Who does she think she is?

When asked what she was thinking, trying to steal the glory of the Duchess (swoon!) pauper Miss Sarah Winkle (um, unmarried mother alert!) said: “It just happened. He was due in two weeks but babies come when they come, don’t they?”

Calling her at midnight at Walsall Royal Infirmary I was able to grill the mum-of-one-traitor. The most obvious question was if she had to say which baby she loved more would it be hers or our future King? To my horror she actually laughed and said of course it would be her own new born son. Now as a mother I’d be the first to say my son means the world to me, but loyalty to the crown comes first. This Wallsallian bint is slandering the rulers of our fair land having given birth in the Walsall Royal Infirmary. Cheeky cow.

Well I bet she’ll look a mess when she leaves the maternity ward, or whatever they have on the NHS these days. Kate looked fabulous, as you’d expect from someone who’s just birthed a tiny wee king. Aww, she looked just like Will’s mum when she left hospital with him, he must have been so proud.

It was just like when Jesus was born but with a cool yummy-mummy instead of a dowdy old virgin.

God bless us all.

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