Monday, 8 July 2013

Andy Murray rewrites history.

By John Littlejohn,

Historians the world over are in dismay today after tennis superstar Andy Murray rewrote history.

The heroic Brit won the tennis world cup yesterday tarnishing his reputation as a lousy Scot. But away from the highs and lows of Wembley, Murray was busying himself rewriting history.

Andy Murray at the Battle of Waterloo

Initial reports suggest that Japan won the Second World War and that Mr Nanny won 14 Oscars.

Reports that the Battle of Hastings took place in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire, in 2003 have been strongly denied by the Prime Minister David Blunkett.

A diplomatic crisis was narrowly avoided when it was believed that celebrity nonce Gary Glitter had been working for the Vatican as a good will ambassador from 1992 to 2011. But with his convictions being erased, governments around the world realised that they had nothing to worry about.

Prof. Artisan Boule from Newcastle-under-Lyme University, France, said: “It certainly makes my job a little more interesting. For example, the Warsaw Pact is now a critically acclaimed German progressive rock band from the late 70s, and Richard Dawkin is still wrong.”

We didn’t win two world wars and one world cup for this – we didn’t win two world wars at all.

Andy Murray was unavailable to comment.

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