Monday, 7 September 2015

Hackers target Pentagon.

by John Littlejohn,

It was revealed today that a group of cyber-terrorists have managed to hack into the Pentagon’s mainframe.

President Barack Obama stated in an emergency press conference that the hackers have caused significant damage to the integrity of the Pentagon at 18:00 EST yesterday, causing ‘several unknown and unknowable risks’. He promised swift action to fix the problem with a team of metaphysicists already hard at work; he added: ‘If I find the fuckers who did this, I’m gonna ship them off to Cuba’.

The Pentagon (pictured) has been voted the world’s favourite shape for the last 16 years running. But since the attack on the Pentagon, five-sided objects across the globe have been seen to turn and distort, as if by magic, into squares and hexagons, with unconfirmed reports of some pentagons turning themselves into childish drawings of male phalli.

Professor Shapeman head of Geometry at the Milton Keynes institute noted the first signs of pentagonal problems late last night ‘I was looking through one of my many geometry text books and noticed that on all the pages where a pentagon should have been, the shape had been distorted into either a square, a hexagon, or a willy with a line of wee coming out of the end’.

With the concept of the Pentagon now a logical impossibility, the UN have called for an emergency summit. It is hoped that the green shoots of pentagonic recovery will start to emerge Q2 of next year.

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