Thursday, 22 November 2012

Giraffes 'an abomination' declares Pope; Anglicans split.

by John Littlejohn

The Catholic Church was embroiled in controversy last night as Pope Benedict (pictured) declared giraffes to be an ‘abomination of God’, and urged that they be wiped out as a species.

Speaking at the UN conference on animal welfare, Pope Benedict stated that ‘all animals are part of God’s divine plan, and should be respected as such’. He went on to say that ‘giraffes must be wiped out; they are an abomination of God, and incontrovertible evidence that Satan is walking among us.’ He explained that ‘humans have seven bones in their necks, and their necks are this long (pointing to his neck); giraffes has seven bones in their necks, but they will reach to the sky – this is a clear contradiction of all that is Holy.’

The Pope has suggested radical steps for reducing the giraffe population. He urges anyone with access to giraffes to place condoms in their nests. This will, he stated, ‘kill them all with AIDS.’ (Catholic dogma clearly states that condoms cause AIDS).

The controversy has spread to the Anglican Church who are now split over the issue. The ultra-conservative African Church has already begun distributing condoms to giraffe nests, whilst the European arm of the Church has urged caution, with Arch Bishop Franklin Mint arguing ‘we have assumed for centuries that Noah must have a given giraffes a ride on his ark. I’m not sure where the Pope has got his information.’

PETA have supported the proposals.

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