Monday, 26 November 2012

Exclusive: Celebrity racing pundit John McCririck 'not dead'.

by Rod Ladle

Racing pundit John McCririck (pictured), who was in the news recently after being sacked from his position as ‘Head of Horses and Watching Them Run Around’ at Channel 4 for being too old, is not dead, The Dodo Times can exclusively reveal.

McCririck, 72, now spends his days standing at the front window of his Surrey home commentating and giving odds as people from his local area walk by with their dogs. Occasionally he will potter around in his shed inventing new devices to make day-to-day tasks more convenient, and has just filed a patent for a new piece of cutlery called a ‘Knork’ which combines a razor-sharp knife blade with a standard four-pronged fork, and saves on time and expensive water when washing up.

Wife Jenny, nicknamed ‘The Booby’ by McCririck (after the seabird of the same name due to her blue feet and acrid smell of fish) confirmed our findings by telephone yesterday, telling us, ‘He’s definitely not dead. He’s at the window as we speak, waving his arms at the neighbours and giving them odds on the man from number 32’s greyhound doing a poo on the grass verge. It’s 2/1 at the moment.’ The man from number 32 was unavailable for comment.

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