Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Benjamin 'netting Yahoo!'

by John Littlejohn

Rumours of former children’s TV presenter Floella Benjamin (pictured) taking a controlling stake in ailing tech firm Yahoo! seem unfounded, The Dodo Times can exclusively reveal.

Market speculation started overnight as questions were raised over Benjamin’s qualifications for turning around the internet search engine, causing Yahoo!’s share price to plummet. A broker representing brokerage firm Short-term Vision noted the he “made a cool ten mil from short selling” before losing it all ten minutes later.

The rumours, which were started by Palestinian militants, have caused contagion and chaos to bleeding-edge tech stocks around the world. Snuffcore, an internet-based adult entertainment firm, saw a 15% drop in their share price. While the worst sufferers were German internet-based adult entertainment firm Scheiße Mädchen, who saw their share price drop by 54%.

Palestinian militants added fuel to rumours this morning on CNN, with a spokesman stating that “Benjamin netting Yahoo! must be stopped at all costs.”

Floella Benjamin has denied everything, claiming that "I don't think a bad pun should cause so much chaos to the world's markets."

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